


till the spring comes

by Lawan



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Sad, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lawan/pseuds/Lawan
Summary: Renji's got a lot of tattoos but no one knows their true origin.kinda Renji-centric





	till the spring comes

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [пока не придет весна](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676518) by [Lawan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lawan/pseuds/Lawan). 



> HUGE REQUEST to whoever is reading this. So, guys, English is not my native language and this is my first attempt to translate something into English ever, so I’ll be very, very obliged if you point out the places where I used tenses or words in a ridiculous or over-complicated way. Thus, if you see a mistake, you are welcome to mention it in comments. Also, from my point of view, during translation this text lost all emotions it initially contained and became coarse and dry and too tangled, but I don’t know for sure since I can’t assess it from native speaker’s point of view. So if this is not the case, please put my mind at ease. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy this oneshot.

Renji doesn’t like mirrors because the first thing that catches his eye in reflection is sharp corners of matt black stripes that wormed their way around his body like poisonous snakes. He genuinely hates this thing that everyone thinks is a tattoo but he’ll never admit it to anyone. He tries to avoid mirrors because he foolishly hopes that the less he sees his _tattoos_ , the less they’ll invade his thoughts. In reality, it doesn’t help at all. The curse has rooted too deep, painting almost the whole surface of his skin with funereal signs, the promise of death. It’s nearly impossible not to notice them.

Renji still remembers his own confusion and interest when he spotted the first stripes, which crawled up his forehead. He vividly remembers the utter terror that engulfed him when an old wise woman from Kusajishi told him the true meaning of charcoal lines. This fear, sticky and viscous, has laced his whole life with its threads. It hasn’t allowed him to forget about it even for a second, manifesting itself more and more in the form of dark lines on his body. Renji remembers each of his crocked grins in response to yet another question about his _tattoos_.

Renji doesn’t know what he did to deserve this, whose way he somehow got in. For many long years he had resisted this death sentence, knowing full well that he had been tilting at windmills. But he just couldn’t give up. He was too afraid. Not for himself, but for Rukia. Rukia, whom he had locked up in the ice palace by the proud name of Kuchiki clan with his own hands. Renji needed time only to fix this mistake. If he believed in some gods superior to shinigami he would have prayed to them every fucking day to allow him to live just one more week, month, year. He understood that it was already a miracle that he was able to hold out for so long. Forty years had passed and he still hadn’t kicked the bucket.

Renji fought as best he could but he was gradually – and inevitably – losing this battle. Over the years, more and more stripes had appeared on his body despite all Zabimaru’s efforts to shield his hapless master from the effect of the curse. In fact, Renji had coped with it well enough until he did the most reckless and the most blessed thing. He challenged Kuchiki Byakuya. For attempt to save Rukia he paid his captain with blood and remaining days of his pathetic life. After that fight Zabimaru’s links never managed to recover, therefore weakening him and making it impossible to slow down the advance of the curse. Still, Renji doesn’t regret this. In the end, Rukia is safe and captain has obviously reconsidered his responsibilities as her brother. All thanks to the redhead ryoka.

Renji believes that Ruika will obtain a family for real this time. And Ichigo will keep an eye on her if anything. This means she doesn’t need Renji anymore. And Renji, in turn, doesn’t need to hopelessly keep trying to buy some more time from death. He doesn’t care anymore when she will take him. Does it really matter? He’ll die anyway despite the fact that he is supposed to be immortal.  
But he has resigned himself to this. He knew where all this has been going since the very beginning. Unlike all his friends.

Renji has never told anyone about his curse, although he probably should have. At least to these two who are bickering non-stop while walking beside him. He tunes their banter out, trying to pick up on his senses. Renji feels that he has almost run out of time. He takes a look around the street covered with dirty, typical-February snow. He curses under his breath so that Ichigo and Rukia don’t hear. He has hoped so much that death will find him at any other time of the year. He absolutely doesn’t want to die in winter. He has hated the season that didn’t spare his friends since childhood.

When Renji understands that there is no time left, he stops at the intersection and says goodbye with causal “see ya” and a careless wave of his hand. After all, putting up a good front in the worst situation possible is what he does the best. Several steps away, he looks back and watches Ichigo and Rukia go away until they are out of his sight. His heart aches from realization that he will never see them again.

He gets a grip eventually and wanders away to the poorest districts of Karakura. When he enters the alley that he particularly likes, he sits down on a wet pavement. He is a child of slums and they have always welcomed him with open arms, hiding him from evil eyes in their dark shadows, kindly offering him shelter in dilapidated shacks. For the first time in a while Renji feels like he has come back home. He takes Zabimaru out of his sheath, runs his fingers along the smooth steel of the blade lightly and gently.

"It has been fun, hasn’t it?"

He knows that in his inner world Nue nods seriously and stately, then speaks. And Renji would give anything to be able to hear this beautiful reverberating voice in his next life.

"It’s time. Off you go, Renji. I’ll wait for you wherever you might go."

Zabimaru’s words make him cheer up. Renji finally feels that he is ready to leave. And do it with a light heart. If Zabimaru follows him to nowhere then the whole predicament is not that bad. Perhaps he even might be a bit luckier next time?

Skin on his shins starts to tingle in a very familiar way. Renji rolls up hakama and watches as black stripes slowly appear on previously unmarred skin, completing the pattern. A few moments later his hands start to glow and slowly scatter into shimmering deep green. There is no pain, and wind suddenly brings subtle scent of spring.


End file.
